Update on Things.

My life is mainly work these days. I work 2pm to 10pm so I don't have much time to spend with my family during the week but it's nice having the weekends off and I look forward to spending time with them then. I haven't been able to do much mindfulness since Tuesday because the fire alarms in all the units in my building are being tested and the noise is very annoying, especially when you're trying to find peace and relax. I believe today was the last day for testing so I should be able to get back into the swing of things going forward. I do, however, make sure to arrive at work at least 30 minutes early so that I may sit in my car for a good 10 to 15 minutes and just focus on my breathing and clear my mind. I have done this since returning to work on Monday and I find it does help me relax. I also park quite a distance away from the office so this gives me even more time to focus on my breathing and on the moment as I walk to work.

I am finding it difficult at work because of the seating arrangement. Like I mentioned before I am sitting in a pretty open area and this makes me very anxious because I feel like people can easily focus their attention on me and notice when I'm having a panic attack. I sit around people that have triggered anxiety in the past and I also don't like the conversations that people have around me because some of the topics make me feel really uncomfortable. I have a really hard time just letting the panic and anxiety run its course because I don't want people at work to see me sweating and acting nervous. Work can produce a pretty competitive environment and I don't want people to see me in a negative light because this might affect my ability to get ahead in the company. I'm also very afraid of being teased about my condition. I worry a lot that I won't be able to get over the anxiety I experience at work because I can't just let the panic come and run its course. I will talk to Stephanie about this but I'm very concerned at this point and I can feel the stress build up as the days go by. I'm pretty sure I'll find a way to address this issue and when I do I'll let you know.