RTW - Return to Work Pt.2

Well the work day is done and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I've learned over the past two months that it usually turns out that way. It was a pretty short day today but at least I am now caught up on around 300 emails, with many meetings left to go before I can return to my regular duties.

Like I mentioned earlier I was a nervous wreck on my way to work, so nervous that I honestly thought I was going to puke in my car. My hands were sweaty my heart was racing and I found it difficult to focus on my breathing. My goal was to ride out the storm and arrive to work early enough so that I could park my car and get myself together at the parking lot. As I was driving on the highway I got to a point where I could see the office tower and I actually felt happy all of the sudden. I remembered all of the hard work that I put in during the two months I was off work and the progress I've made. I also remembered the good things from work that I was missing like my friends and the feeling of getting things accomplished.

Shortly after spotting the office tower I exited the highway and found myself parking my car at the company parking lot. I was finally there. I began to get nervous again at this point but at least I didn't have to focus on the road. I focused instead on my breathing while sitting in my car and continued doing this for over 10 minutes. Once I felt relaxed I exited my car and headed for work. I was trying very hard to stay in the moment and focus on just walking and before I knew it I was in the office greeting all my co-workers and it was pretty clear that they were happy to see me at work again. For the most part people didn't ask personal questions and I was able to tell them I was off work for a medical reason that was stress related.

The funny thing is that I was given a seat in an area that I absolutely hate and I remember telling myself as I was going to work, "I really hope they don't make me sit in that area." The area that I'm talking about is very open and there's very little privacy. It is a high traffic area and there are people that sit around there that have caused me great anxiety in the past. In my last session with Stephanie at Clear Path Solutions we talked about finding some way to incorporate exposure exercises into my work routine; it looks like my employer has fixed that dilemma without even knowing it. It appears like the next week to 2 weeks will be one giant exposure exercise. Even though it makes me nervous to think about being in that situation for the next 2 weeks I know that I will manage and I will benefit in the long run.