Awareness of unpleasant event.

In weeks 3 and 4 of the formal practice of MBSR you practice awareness while you're in the middle of pleasant moments in week 3 and stressful moments in week 4. It's easy to focus on the pleasant moments, like when I play with my little boy or when I'm helping my older son with his projects. Today, however, it was pretty easy to come across stressful moments and since I'm in week 4 I had plenty to practice with.

I had to reschedule my CBT appointment at Clear Path because the traffic was a mess. I thought that since I was going to be driving to my appointment I wouldn't pressed for time, that wasn't exactly the case. I knew there were problems on the 401 but I had no idea the extent of the problem. While I drove on the overpass and as I was approaching the on-ramp at Keele and the 401 I saw that the eastbound traffic was bumper to bumper. Stress level 1. I said OK no problem I'll drive to Lawrence and go to the Allen through there. The eastbound traffic was heavy from Keele to the Allen. Stress level 2. I finally got to the Allen and then took the exit at Eglinton. The traffic was fine for about two blocks before I the traffic was again bumper to bumper. Stress level 3. By this time I already knew that I was going to be late to my appointment and I wasn't even half way there so I called Stephanie to reschedule. I was pretty disappointed because I was looking forward to our session.

During all this I felt hot and my neck and shoulders were getting tense. I also noticed that my breath was high on my chest, meaning I wasn't getting a full breath, instead of being low on my abdomen. I was also sweating a bit and was very irritable. Driving while your irritable is not a good idea, especially when you're in a rush in heavy traffic. I was feeling disappointed and angry that I didn't leave earlier and my mind was racing with thoughts. I notice that when I'm stressed I find it difficult to not be carried away by my thoughts. I kept picturing myself encountering more heavy traffic on Bloor and the again on Bay St. I kept thinking that people drive really slow when in reality it was me who was driving too fast. After I rescheduled my appointment I did feel a lot better knowing that it was handled. I then began to feel more relaxed and reflected on what I could do next time to avoid getting into this mess again. I came to the conclusion that I would need to take the bus like I was doing before and give myself about a 1 hour and 15 minute window to make sure I arrive on time.