Damn Remote!

Let me tell you a story that might seem irrelevant and how it ties into recovering from anxiety.

Yesterday my "universal" remote died. There is nothing more empowering than having one remote to control all the components in your home entertainment unit. The thing I liked about this remote is that with the press of only one button all the devices you need turn on and go to the correct input, like magic. I can't describe the rush, the power rush, that filled every cell in my body...OK, I'm getting carried away. But you know how much of an inconvenience it is when the damn remote dies.

I got the remote from a previous job for free so I wasn't too concerned about the warranty so in my mindless, auto-pilot mode of thinking I tried to fix the remote myself. Bad idea. It took about half an hour to figure out how to even get at the screws and once the screws were off it still wouldn't come apart. So I tried pulling it apart with my hands and in the process cracked my nail, not too much, but enough to have it hurt like a...well I'll leave it at that. I finally got too frustrated to deal with it so I just quickly tried to put the screws back on and then put the batteries back in. The thing is that the screws were not screwed in all the way and when I put the cover back on it was jammed by the pressure of the screws on the batteries and in turn the batteries put too much pressure on the cover. I nearly gave myself second degree friction burn trying to slide the cover off and finally I left it as is.

The things the we would do to hold on to control can be pretty astonishing. My desire to have full control over my convenience was so intense that I went to great lengths to try and fix the remote myself only to make the problem worse. It's almost as though the desire to hold on to absolute control can demonstrate to us how little control we really have. At least that's how I saw it in my own situation. I am now in pain as I type this because the nail on my left middle finger is cracked and the funny thing is that when I check to see the damage I wind up flipping myself the bird in the process.

Today was a rough day in the sense that my general anxiety was pretty high. I had a disagreement with my wife in the morning and standing in line at the grocery store with everyone trying to cut you off can be pretty stressful. Those events got my day off to a pretty lousy start but I now realize that I have very little control of many of the events that occur throughout the day. Releasing my desire to control the things that I have no control over and gaining control over the things that I can, has lead to a sense of stability that is helping me cope with stress and is reducing the panic and anxiety I experience. I'm happy I can look back at the remote incident and laugh and I wait for the day that I can look back at other difficult situations in my life and find humor in them as well.