A Great Day!

Today I had a pretty good day. I agreed to go with my wife and kids to the mall to purchase my kids some pants. This situation would have caused a lot of panic or anxiety in the past to the point where I would reach an 8-9 on my anxiety scale. I believe I get really anxious because I think people see me as a bad father, weak, or a freak because of my anxiety and panic. I constantly believe that people will be asking amongst themselves, "How can that guy be the father of those kids? He's so strange." I was able to overcome this situation by not over exaggerating my anxiety -- at my most anxious state I was at about a 7 on my anxiety scale -- and by telling myself,  "The anxiety will pass as long as I acknowledge the fact that I'm hot and sweating a little." Refraining from subtle avoidance also helped and after 15 minutes I had no anxiety and I was able to really enjoy being out with my family, even having ice cream with the kids, sitting in a highly visible location in the mall. 

Over the past 3 days I've managed to reduce my anxiety by telling myself to calm down because people are probably not even aware of the fact that I'm feeling anxious or nervous. Other people have told me that they don't notice me being anxious at all despite me believing that I'm very visibly anxious. The belief of appearing a lot calmer than I feel was reinforced today at my support group meeting. During our meeting, as I looked around the room, I noticed that everyone appeared to be calm and attentive despite us all suffering from debilitating social fear and anxiety. I reasoned that if others don't appear visibly anxious that I don't either. 

The best part of the support group meeting was going out for a drink afterwards and being able to carry a conversation with other members of the group, whom I didn't know too well, in an environment that would have caused great panic 3 months ago.  There was even a time when we ran out of things to say and there was silence, but rather than feeling awkward, I felt a great sense of peace and serenity due to the fact that I was finally making some progress. 

Telling myself that my anxiety is not that noticeable is a mantra that I'm sure will continue to help me in my recovery. I hope it can help you too.