Panic at Work

I was invited by my friends at work to join them for a game of pool and some drinks last Friday and ever since then I've been feeling really depressed.

It's funny how just by being invited my anxiety shot up to about an 8 on my anxiety scale and I wasn't able to ride it out like a normally do. I was feeling hot and felt like I was blushing and felt sweaty as I was trying to explain my way out of going out with them. After denying the request I felt like such a lonely outsider and began to obsess about the possibility of them thinking I'm "weird" for behaving the way I did. I truly did want to go out with them but I could not shake the thoughts of them seeing me really sweaty and anxious had I gone out with them to the bar. I knew that more people from work were already at the bar and I could not stand the thought of all my co-workers seeing me having a panic attack.

These are the situations that I would love to gradually expose myself to but I have no idea where to begin. I don't have any close friends to go out with aside from my wife and I don't consider going out with my wife as an exposure because she's a "safe" person and the whole point of the exposures is for me to go out on my own and manage the anxiety. I would love to confide in someone at work to help me with the exposures but I have a real issue trusting co-workers, especially since I had my first panic attack around co-workers and they tore me to pieces when they noticed my "weakness." I do feel flattered that they asked me to join them but in general I don't know what to do.

Another thing that has me feeling lousy is the fact that I had to leave early from work due to the side-effects of the Zoloft. I've been feeling really weak, nauseous and just generally ill. I have been doing well at work and my attendance has been improving over the last 2 to 3 months so missing work was a bitter pill to swallow. On the other hand I did push myself to go to work and stay at work for almost 3 hours but I just did not feel well at all.

I'll keep you posted on how all this goes. I'll try and post something on my support group's forum for some help.